The last 4 or 5 years I have noticed a change in me. One of many, I might add. Like everybody else I have to earn a living, but I can no longer take or apply for a job if it “feels wrong”. This is difficult to explain, because it usually sounds like an excuse. But it’s real.
As I continue to read Lilou Macé’s book, I Had No Money And I Liked It, I discover many similarities between her and me. She writes about things I have realised too. Such as not being able to take jobs that feel somehow “wrong”.
I have always been a “feeler”, and it can be exhausting. Not only because I sense other people’s feelings as well as my own. No. Sometimes I can’t make up my mind – because I can’t feel what to choose!
You Don’t Fool Me
When I read a job ad I can immediately feel what the company behind it is like. It can be very obvious just by the words they use. These words and sentences make my toes curl (from horror):
- Be a team player
- Are you our customer service super hero?
- “Belastbarkeit” is important
- Multitasking genius
- Minimum wage
The good old team player makes me sick to my stomach. Come up with something new, please. A super hero or genius only means you will have to work your ass off for no money, i.e. minimum wage.
Belastbarkeit (resilience) is an interesting German word. I can actually feel the weight of the work load I would have to carry. And none of these job ads ever mention words like passionate or inspiring.
I Wanna Do What I Love
I am of course aware of the fact that sometimes you don’t really have much choice. If you need money you will have to take what you get. Or really?
I may be completely out of my mind, but I can’t do that anymore. My whole being screams when I consider taking a job that feels wrong. Even though I need money I have to earn it through joy and contentment.
Money is energy, they say, and I want my energy to be loving. Every day I say to myself:
“I earn unlimited income doing what I love.”
One day it might just come true.