I’ve just had a conversation with artist and life coach Christine Lehtinen. The topic was of course me and my dreams. (Yes, again.) Some people might see me as a big talker, and I do talk, but I also enjoy listening. Christine is a fantastic listener, which made me realise how rare it is. Such a shame, because all we need might be just that – to be listened to.
We have gotten so used to the idea that we can fix things, fix problems, and thus we have stopped listening. Some things you can’t fix. Not the way you fix a machine. But if you get to talk about it, it helps.
I’ve never been in therapy, but I can see why people may want to, or need to. The therapist is literary payed to listen to you talking about your problems. I’ve been fortunate enough to be surrounded by good friends who listen to me, but I am also able to analyse and help myself. Even though it takes time to find the truth, I find it eventually.
Hold The Space for Somebody
Now and again I bang my head against the wall. I can’t see any solution or even what it’s about. I just feel confused, anxious and sad. If I then talk to somebody, and the response is advice I haven’t asked for, I can’t move forward. I start feeling guilty: Why does it feel wrong to follow that advice? What is wrong with me?
If that person had listened instead – and stayed in the moment – then I would have found the answers myself!
It may not always be that easy of course. It depends on the problem and on the person listening. Empathy is a big part of it.
The Pieces are Coming Together
Today I didn’t solve the big issue in my life, how to earn a living doing something I love. What happened was, I took a big step forward. Christine helped me move the pieces of the puzzle closer together.
At this point, that was all I needed help with. She didn’t tell me how, or what I had to do. She asked a question of two, and that was it. I did the talking and I answered my own questions. That is good coaching!
Next time somebody has a problem, try to listen to what they have to say. Maybe ask a question and then see what happens. I’m certain you will watch a miracle happen.